tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-39962182012-02-16T12:46:01.863-05:00Short Stories. Fictitious fiction along with fictionny stuff and junk.Louhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09735179098234599527noreply@blogger.comBlogger201100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3996218.post-71420152771945782682011-10-13T21:42:00.010-04:002011-10-17T12:16:19.981-04:00

John stood at the front of the Four Seasons hotel lobby and gazed at a sea of revolting and surprisingly pungent creatures. Every year, the International Monster Convention unearthed the world’s zombies, ghosts, mummies, boogie men, vampires and other miscellaneous beings from the underworld and crammed them into an antithetically lavish hotel.Though these monsters were supposed to be John’s

Louhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09735179098234599527noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3996218.post-81255611937980955072009-07-24T23:12:00.000-04:002010-08-18T08:37:55.875-04:00

I like naming my things.I don’t know when it started, but let’s try to trace it back, shall we?Like most children, my stuffed animals, dolls, and action figures all had personalities, names, feelings and a favourite side of the bed.But, I think I went a little further than the average child. At least this is what my friends and family have led me to believe. Or maybe they just enjoy watching my

Louhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09735179098234599527noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3996218.post-55448915303442402112009-07-19T00:57:00.000-04:002010-08-18T08:38:06.557-04:00

Bathroom stalls are today’s greatest underrated anthropological treasures. Besides an endless source of wisdom and phone numbers where one could potential have a good time, it captures the essence of humanity.Not only is bathroom graffiti positive due to the historical benefits of record-keeping, but also, anonymous secrets feed my incessant pornographic need for gossip.I have a favourite bar

Louhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09735179098234599527noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3996218.post-81873026407335167842008-07-03T22:46:00.002-04:002008-07-03T23:01:54.034-04:00

They stare down at you, unmoved. Some are surrounded by water, some by awkward seating, and some by a ridiculous amount of foliage.I guarantee you statues are jealous of each other’s spots. I’m sure most of them would want to be surrounded by water spewing cherubs, but let’s face it, many of them are strategically stuck under a tree, forcing them into the position of a bronzed pigeon lavatory. It

Louhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09735179098234599527noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3996218.post-71671313007093288652008-06-26T21:14:00.001-04:002008-06-26T21:16:02.143-04:00

My nose is finicky. It’s as mature as a hungry, sleepy, bored five-year-old child. If it smells something that is less than lemony-fresh it has a temper tantrum, forcing me to evacuate and find an odour free area where I can put it in a time out.My nose is also runny 365 days a year, and my sneeze rate is about two to three sneezes per hour. I live in a state of permanent hay fever.Summer is

Louhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09735179098234599527noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3996218.post-78181490147871822732008-06-26T21:12:00.000-04:002008-06-26T21:13:54.425-04:00

I have a special relationship with my nose. I have year-round allergies forcing me to carry a lifetime supply of Kleenex everywhere I go. My nose is also very sensitive to smells: smoke, perfumes, exotic foods, anything a bit out of the ordinary displeases it. When upset, my nose invariably crunches itself up and makes my eyes tear. On top of it all, it came with a small defect: a little bump on

Louhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09735179098234599527noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3996218.post-51816415972119263142008-06-19T21:24:00.002-04:002008-06-19T21:28:14.110-04:00

I got a record player for my birthday.I wanted one because I missed the pops and skips I got used to. For the longest time I thought Obla Di Obla Da was a dirty song and I had inherited a cleaned up version. Desmond says to Molly - girl I like your face, and Molly says this as she takes him by the POP I thought the pop was the CRTC hard at work. I also had this great Tarzan story book.

Louhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09735179098234599527noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3996218.post-53385527859589031752008-05-27T23:20:00.005-04:002010-08-18T08:37:02.869-04:00

So I’m all alone in a tiny matchbox apartment. In my tiny matchbox apartment. For the first time I’m living in a place where my parents don’t. I now live with my significant other in this – in my tiny matchbox apartment. My significant other has temporarily gone away for business. He is now significant in another province. I’d like him to be significant here. But so it goes, I must be

Louhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09735179098234599527noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3996218.post-36512702298534931332008-04-13T14:45:00.003-04:002008-06-19T21:30:19.180-04:00

The other day I had an intense viewing of Batman, the 1989 movie: the one with Michael Keaton and the “clownishly homicidal Joker.” I saw it with a friend, Joshua, who is absolutely enthralled with the notion of superheroes. Not in a regular boy-like way, when they’re impressed by muscly airborne men lifting cars and crushing beer cans on their head. Instead he’s interested in them existentially.

Louhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09735179098234599527noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3996218.post-50201216353337701912008-04-13T14:43:00.008-04:002008-07-24T23:31:26.392-04:00

Last week I went for lunch with my, nothing less than fabulous, friend Callaghan. We had a delightful Sunday lunch at Rueben’s where I gracefully ate twice my weight in smoked meat. Afterwards, we went to the near by shopping centre, since I promised Callaghan we would find him a jaw dropping dress shirt for his upcoming date. Just a little cotton courage for the road, or maybe a cotton and

Louhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09735179098234599527noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3996218.post-75087013692140379062008-04-13T13:34:00.003-04:002008-06-19T21:32:23.739-04:00

“So blissfully unaware.” “What?” asked Andy as she studied the umbrella in her girly green-ish drink. “They all look so happy. Look at them. All ‘look at me, look at me shaking my groove thing,’ all happy and stuff and junk,” I said obviously un-entertained by my flaming cocktail. Seriously. I had to blow it out. “I see you’re going to be your usually uplifting self.” It was Friday

Louhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09735179098234599527noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3996218.post-89540403491695051332008-04-13T13:20:00.003-04:002008-06-19T21:33:02.532-04:00

So I’ve been feeling a little guilty. It could have been the two ginormous double chocolate muffin I decided to have for lunch, or maybe because I tried getting rid of my overly affectionate cat by throwing an imaginary paper ball into the distance… and succeeded. But lately I feel like I’ve been a little bit shallow, like I’ve lost the ability to have any sensitive, deep or meaningful thought.

Louhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09735179098234599527noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3996218.post-10912849584551010702008-04-13T13:14:00.004-04:002008-06-19T21:33:50.332-04:00

My dearest bestest friend in the whole wide world is leaving me. She’s recklessly abandoning me and my yet to be discussed future neurosis. She’s going to another province where she found a better job where she’ll get an office and a window. I’ve been traded in for a window. So I guess she’s decided to grow up and be successful. Pffff. I threatened to hold my breath until she said she would

Louhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09735179098234599527noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3996218.post-53838935662999317992008-04-13T13:05:00.001-04:002008-06-19T21:34:44.663-04:00

Life is a crazy place. It’s ridiculously, deliciously nonsensical. We live by an arbitrary set of social rules, scurrying around, like ants, towards a societally determined goal of what is a good life: career, money, children, family. Which isn’t such a bad thing, if you do get there. If you’re lucky on the way to those things you will accidentally stumble upon what life really is. Like when you’

Louhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09735179098234599527noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3996218.post-71605256214672325262008-04-13T12:54:00.003-04:002008-06-19T21:35:25.058-04:00

I’m looking for a little excitement. Maybe it’s because the school semester is wearing me a little thin. But it’s probably because I realised that the most dramatic thing that happened to me this week was that I seriously considered crying when I realized that I set the VCR wrong and missed the second part of a vitally important cliff-hanger. I guess I’m just feeling like the universe is on

Louhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09735179098234599527noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3996218.post-72463510296482155612008-04-13T12:51:00.004-04:002008-06-19T21:37:38.891-04:00

“I have a problem.” “Yes, I’m sure you do. This time go chronologically, alphabetically gives me indigestion,” replied Andy in one even unimpressed breath over her Cantonese Chow Mein. “I’m serious – well more than usual, this could be medical, or worst: psychological!” I wheezed my last words. More because I thought that it could be plausible rather than the fact that I was distracted by

Louhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09735179098234599527noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3996218.post-24212908333063928352008-04-13T12:45:00.002-04:002008-04-13T12:46:50.500-04:00

So five years later, I know a nauseatingly useless amount of information on Eritrea. However, thankfully enough, I have not become a bag lady.So now you know.

Louhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09735179098234599527noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3996218.post-22619875461829658842007-08-15T19:39:00.000-04:002010-08-18T08:35:28.994-04:00

The below story gave me some trouble.So much so I boycotted writing for some time.You see I had themed that week Dane Cook-apalooza. Dane Cook is a comedian /actor – which you may or may not have heard of who is close to beating Jon Stewart on the people who will marry me but don’t know it yet list. It’s ok go IMDB him, I’ll wait.Done? Was it good for you?Every day that week my hours were

Louhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09735179098234599527noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3996218.post-86648777208679767412007-08-01T22:16:00.000-04:002010-08-18T08:36:32.064-04:00

“The printer’s making a new wheezing noise, I think it’s trying to tell me something.”“The printer’s speaking to you again?” said Cornelius.I’m fresh out of university, and now I’ve just had my first casual conversation about toner.Living in a cubicle for eight hours a day has changed my life in more ways than one. I’ve learned a few survival techniques only applicable where paper cuts and power

Louhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09735179098234599527noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3996218.post-938385362003-05-05T22:23:00.001-04:002008-04-13T15:41:23.563-04:00

So it is finally May. I have completed my first year of university (ulcer free... almost). I spent my first semester in computer science, turns out I loathed every last minute of it. After one too many bad puns, I knew it was time for me to change programs. (Someone asked me whether I knew what kind of beer some commercial was about and I answered, "I don't know, I'm not a bear nut.... but I am a

Louhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09735179098234599527noreply@blogger.com0