Paperclip Bonanza

“The printer’s making a new wheezing noise, I think it’s trying to tell me something.”

“The printer’s speaking to you again?” said Cornelius.

I’m fresh out of university, and now I’ve just had my first casual conversation about toner.

Living in a cubicle for eight hours a day has changed my life in more ways than one. I’ve learned a few survival techniques only applicable where paper cuts and power points are king and all it takes is a paper jam to ruin a perfectly good day of make-shift paperclips arts & crafts.

A few things I’ve picked up:

- Switching the “m” and “n” keys on somebody’s keyboard will provide hours of entertainment.

- If you’re late for lunch, do not go to the break room. Invariably, your friends will have left and you’ll be stuck trying not to make eye contact with said token creepy guy because you know he’ll start sharing bizarre bits of information with you, like whether or not you knew babies are born without knee caps. Then, he’ll invite you to a private viewing of his human hair collection.

- Don’t make googly eyes at the token office pretty boy/girl – he/she can see you off the reflection of his monitor.

- During a client meeting, after somebody says, “this quarter is going to be a long and hard one,” it is not appropriate to interject, “that’s what she said.”

- It is appropriate to make offerings to the printer gods if you wish to have your work printed on time.

And so here I am talking to a printer.

“I’m sad that my job has reduced me to rubbing a printer inappropriately in the hopes that it will punch holes on the side of the page I need it to.”

And just then, right before a little piece inside of me died a little bit, Cornelius said, “Yes but without this job you would have never learnt that babies are born without knee caps.”

And now friends, you know it too.

F*ck yah.